"Are you ok?"

Nurturing Empathy

Empathy is the ability to recognize, appreciate and respond to another's feelings. Human beings are born with a capacity for empathy. Newborn infants are able to identify the cries of other newborns and will cry in response. These are the earliest expressions of what later becomes the child’s ability to empathize with another. But empathy doesn’t develop only because of the way our brains are wired. Very young children must experience empathy in order to develop the ability to be empathic with others. Empathy develops out of young children’s earliest relationships with parents and caregivers who recognize, understand and respond to their needs and feelings.

Encouraging children’s capacity for empathy is important in early childhood because morality depends on it: in order for children to be able to treat others as they want to be treated, they have to be able to recognize and understand how others feel. True empathy doesn't begin to appear until the age of 18 to 30 months, when toddlers begin to develop a sense of self and other. It is only when they are able to understand that someone else exists as separate from themselves that toddlers are able to recognize the feelings of another and respond in a comforting way.

Empathy is important for children’s ability to get along socially with peers. When a child is capable of empathy, she is able to understand the emotional and social effects of her behavior on others. She can also more accurately interpret the social cues of her peers and understand their intentions. On the other hand, children who are less empathic tend to behave more aggressively towards others. This may be related to their inability to perceive or accurately interpret the feelings and behaviors of others.

How can you nurture empathy in young children?

• When a child hurts another child, explain in simple words how the hurt child feels. Focus on feelings, not actions. Model empathy by expressing your own concern about both children in the situation.

• Ask questions like, ”How do you think Sam feels when you take away the truck he is playing with?” When reading books to children, talk about what the characters are feeling and why they might feel that way.

• Collect pictures of children expressing different emotions. Ask children if they can match the children who are feeling
mad, sad, happy etc.

• Acknowledge the caring or thoughtful things that children do for others.


This article originally appeared in Child Care Health Connections, a bimonthly newsletter published by the California Childcare Health Program (CCHP), a community- based program of the University of California, San Francisco School of Nursing, Department of Family Health Care Nursing.